Rage v X Factor Joe – Get Your Opinion Here…
Hidden away on Sunday afternoon when nothing really happens, The Steve Show was a fearless crusader in taking a sideways look at the big news stories that had already been done to death elsewhere, and that everyone, us included, was already bored with.
In that spirit of hard-hitting, zeitgeist-straddling, opinio-tainment, let’s have a look at the big ruckus over the UK Christmas No1… should you be happy that Rage Against The Machine’s Killing In The Name beat Joe from the X Factor in the race to No.1 in the hit parade? What does this mean for the future of the country? Will we all die horribly before our time, or can we now look forward to everlasting life and free sweets?
This handy cut out and keep guide will allow you to hold a forthright view in any discussion on the matter over the festive period.
Argument 1 – It’s A Good Thing
Of course it’s great that Rage won the battle. Simon Cowell does not understand or even like music. His shows plough a dreary furrow to the lowest common denominator, proving that you can sell any old crap if you attach a dubious backstory to it – a dead parent, an unfortunate stammer, a birthmark shaped like a massive cock and balls on your forehead – and flog it to death on 18 consecutive Saturday nights.
But it’s not just that, it’s the manner in which he was defeated… take a look at the magical machine you’re reading this on – it has the power to bring hundreds of thousands of people together for an authority-bashing campaign.
It’s a common complaint from ex-kids that the kids of today are too apathetic, that they’re too sodding lazy to care about anything, let alone do anything about it. That theory has been smashed by the youth uniting with their right hands, not for an enormous attempt at the biscuit game, but to download the sound of disobedience and to thumb their noses at authority.
On top of all this, it’s raised stacks of money for Shelter and brought a classic track to the attention of a new generation of rock enthusiasts.
I remember seeing Rage at Reading in 1993, it changed my life forever, and they’re still as important and relevant today.
Argument 2 – It’s A Bad Thing
Of course it’s terrible that Joe lost the battle. The X Factor is the Christmas story updated for the modern age - Joe is the infant child in a manger; Cowell, Cole and Minogue are the three wise men; Louis is Mary, it all stacks up. In celebrating the birth of Joe by giving him the Xmas No.1, we are painfully aware that we will be mourning his passing by Easter as his second single (an unwise cover of Richard Blackwood’s Mama Who Da Man) bombs and he’s reduced to opening new branches of Millets for £50 a pop. Denying us this timeless narrative is an affront to the magic of the season.
And what’s even worse is the manner in which he was defeated… hundreds of thousands of sniggering ninnies, hidden behind their keyboards thinking they’re so bloody clever and ironic, uniting for an aim with no tangible purpose.
It’s typical of the youth of today, getting excited about something so utterly pointless while ignoring the big issues of the day. And you know it will lead to even more of those ludicrous Facebook campaigns - Get 1,000,000 People To Make Brown Shoes Illegal; 800,000 People Say ‘I Like Crisps’; 375,000 People Support Exhuming The Corpse Of Jade Goody And Giving Her A Traditional Viking Funeral On The Thames.
On top of all this, it’s raised stacks of money for Sony and brought a ludicrous, whiny track to the attention of a new generation of hairy outcasts, all of whom express their individuality by looking gloomy, having dubious personal hygiene and wearing the same Nirvana ’smiley’ tshirt.
I remember seeing Rage at Reading in 1993 – I got bored after 20 minutes and went to watch Chumbawamba in the NME tent. I wonder what they’re up to now?
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I did like the Machines Make Me Angry tune but then they went on Radio Five Live and did that swearing thing.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/audio/2009/dec/17/rage-against-the-machine-bbc-5live
I think Nicky Campbell told them not to and they said ‘Flip you, Campbell, I will do my own thing thank you kindly’ (actual words changed to protect you, gentle reader).
And at Christmas time too! It’s like the little Baby Jesus, who famously brought all the religions together, died for nothing. Shame on you, Zed de la Ferrero Rocher.
So, as a result, I agree with Steven Cowell of the Y Factory. All winners of that show now have an inexorable right to the Christmas number one, if only to prevent uncensored filth like that polluting our Wintervals. The End.
(Subs – I’ve not checked this for facts or spelling, can you do so before it gets published? Ta)
I tidied up a couple of spelling errors, everything else seems spot on…
If you continue to post such controversial opinions, you’ll likely divide the readership. I reckon, into two distinct groups.
It’s funny that you joke that you’re covering news stories that have been done to death elsewhere. As an American, the Steve Show and this blog are like “Up-to-the-Minute Late-Breaking Englo-News” to me. When I saw the link that “Killing in the Name” was #1, I briefly panicked that maybe I had slipped into a wormhole and traveled back in time to 1993.
When I use either of your arguments with family and friends over the next few weeks, I want you to know that I’ll be appropriating your memories of being in Reading in 1993 as well. Cheers.
Further Reading ‘93 memories you may plunder to add credence to your chosen argument…
- New Order changing the lyrics to True Faith to ‘When I was a very small boy, Michael Jackson played with me’
- Blur’s career-re-igniting show in the NME tent
- An above-average-height tentmate forcing us to miss the start of the brilliant Madder Rose’s set by insisting on cooking some beans very slowly on a tiny gas stove, despite the several hundred thousand food outlets on site…