Tiny Dan investigates Super-Posh Rufus’s mind #2
Back in January I launched the quiz which abjectly failed to set the internet ablaze.
And now it’s back! I, Tiny Dan, with my limited height and ropey command of English will present to you some lyrics from popular music rewritten, as I imagine, by the mind of Super-Posh Rufus.
Rufus quite rightly pointed out to me that the last attempt was rather more like Viz legend Mr Logic with words simply substituted for other words – so, this time, I’ve tried to genuinely ‘Posh It Up’. Once-listeners to the Steve Show, imagine S-P Rufus reading these lyrical conundrums to you.
Also, last time, the quiz was frankly far too easy – especially since I’d suggested the winner might win a million quid. So, this time I think it’s tougher.
The prize is either a mention in the comments section at the bottom of this page, or a Tropical Ireland. Yes, that’s right, a Tropical Ireland. Because I’m a bit drunk, I’ve typed it wrong. But I’ll stick with it – a Tropical Ireland. So, get this right and you might win the country of Ireland which I will then tow towards the equator for the favourable climate contained therein*.
Same rules as before. Here follows four song lyrics rendered in Super-Posh language. If you can return them to their original state, tell me about it, using the form at the bottom of the page.
UPDATE 12-03-10 – this exciting internet-inferno-ising competition is now closed. Answers below.
Super-Posh Lyric #1 – Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car by William “Billy” Ocean
I say! (I say!) You! (You!) You there! Young lady! Young lady! I say! Young lady! I say!
(Hey! (Hey!) You! (You!))
Are you referring to my own person?
(Who me?)
I am! Indubitably! Enter my motorised vehicle immediately – and without delay.
(Yes you! Get into my car)
Woo! Wah! Affirmative!
(Woo! Wah! Yeah!)
Super-Posh Lyric #2 – Pull Up To The Bumper by Graceford “Grace” Jones
Perambulating around this urban environment
(Driving down those city streets)
Currently in abeyance ahead of future cavorting
(Waiting to get down)
Would you be awfully kind and produce your hulking apparatus?
(Won’t you get your big machine?)
Which is, I believe, located with this conurbation?
(Somewhere in this town)
Super Posh Lyric #3 – Because I Got High by Alfred “Afroman” Moorthwaite
It was my intention to engage in conjugal relations with you – but I became intoxicated
(I was gonna make love to you but then I got high)
I fully intended to devour your kitten as well – but, regretfully, I entered a state of inebriation
(I was gonna eat yo pussy too – but then I got high)
At this moment, I am currently involved in an act of onanism, and I am fully aware of how this situation came to pass
(Now I’m jacking off and I know why)
It came to pass because I became delirious on a form of either Colombian, Jamaican, Maui or Panamanian wowie and I fear it caused some kind of freak out
(Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high)
Super-Posh Lyric #4 – Peaches by The Stranglers
I have obtained from somewhere (precisely whencetofore, I am regretfully unsure) young lady, the idea that you are in possession of a chemical unguent which will enable me to filter harmful UV rays – and that said embrocation is currently situated within the carafe which is currently about you
(Well I got the notion girl that you got some suntan lotion in that bottle of yours)
Would you be so kind as to extend and proliferate some of the aforementioned liniment upon my desquamating epidermis?
(Spread it all over my peeling skin baby)
Ah, that is a most satisfactory sensation
(That feels real good)
Goodness. A preponderance of doxies appear to be revelling in the brilliance of the day
(All this skirt – lapping up the sun)
Make whoopee with me, I implore!
(Lap me up)
What good reason can there be for not engaging with this?
Go on a spree with my own self!
(Why don’t you come on and lap me up?)
(* Please note, the prize will be either a Tropical Ireland, as described above, or a mention in the space below this article on the page. I’ll decide on the day, but given the logistics of moving an entire country half-way around the globe, it’s likely to be the mention, to be fair)
~(Addition 12-03-10 – yup, it was the mention)~
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Wow. Even I, the winner of the previous setting-the-world-on-fire contest, cannot plumb the depths of Rufus’ mind this time. Except for #3, I got nothin’.
I stand ready to hand over the winner’s mantle to the next person…
neets, I fear I’ve gone too far the other way now and made it too tough. Which is not the way to set the internet ablaze, to be fair.
Still, given the volume of entries received so far (there’s yours on the internet – I’m still waiting for postal entries), even 1 out of 4 would be a winning score.
Still another day to go, so if anyone still cares here are some small clues…
#1 is an 80s pop classic
#2 is also 80s pop from a female artist (not Madonna) – and a pretty cool tune with it
#3 is a bit of a novelty tune from the Noughties
#4 is one of the most famous singles from a British group, who began in the punk era and are, in fact, still going today
I’d say the first one is Billy Ocean with Get Outta My Dreams, Get into My Car. This is where my knowledge ends unfortunately…
Well, thanks everyone for all your answers. I fear the postal entries were lost on route, so I’m left with the internet answers.
There is the potential for a tie, with neets and tuulim both offering one out of four. But, on account of neets’s silence on what his/her actual answer was, the prize of a mention in the oomments section of this article has to go to tuulim!
Congratulations tuulim, you’ve become the first person in the history of Tiny Dan investigates Super-Posh Rufus’s Mind to beat the hitherto unstoppable neets. Kudos to you.
No Tropical Ireland, mind. But kudos, yes.
Even though I’ve lost this contest (sob!), I will offer my thoughts on #3, which is “Because I Got High” by Afroman. Congratulations to tuulim.
This was very difficult, however I couldn’t concentrate on working out the answers as I kept picturing Rufus announcing to a blushing young filly with impeccable schooling and a blood link to the Earl of Sussex that he fully intended to devour her kitten…